


2013/05/02 Word of the Day: Saccharine

by darkmus



Series: Word of the Day [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 15:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmus/pseuds/darkmus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The skull is here, but not his friend</p>
            </blockquote>





	2013/05/02 Word of the Day: Saccharine

**Author's Note:**

> **Saccharine**   
> [exaggeratedly sweet or sentimental](http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2013/05/02.html)

He knows it’s silly, but for some reason keeping the skull gives him comfort.

“Sentiment,” Sherlock would say.

But Sherlock’s not here. Not anymore.

No, the proud bastard had to jump off a fucking building.

There are times when John rages — pointlessly — at someone who’s not even here, not capable of feeling the guilt that he should so rightly feel; at how wrong all of this is; at how much this hurts him. And by all accounts, it shouldn’t hurt this much.

He’s taken up his old flat because he can’t stand to live in 221B anymore. (Or is he really living at all?)

It took a month of emptiness, of the sheer lack of disgusting (fascinating) experiments, of too much personal space and far too much personal time, to drive himself crazy.

He’s back to seeing his therapist. It’s ironic how he needs her again in his non-Sherlocked world.

The skull sits on the desk, by the lamp. It’s circled by his signature scarf, like some sad version of the late, great, brilliant man he now realizes he loves.

Sometimes it feels too hard to bear and there are moments of weakness where he opens that drawer where he keeps his pistol.

And yet he can’t — he won’t (even as much as he wants to) — because he knows that if (if only!) Sherlock were still here he wouldn’t want John to kill himself.

He still believes in Sherlock.

“Don’t be dead. Just don’t.”

All he can do is to take one day at a time.


End file.
